So you’re in a bit of a pickle? A family member is asking for financial support and you feel an obligation to help them out.

But do you need to? And should you?

Setting boundaries - be clear on your money goals

A softer way into the conversation is by sharing your money goals and why they're important to you. By sharing your goals, it makes it easier to explain how your family can support you (which sets the stage for clear boundaries). It also helps open the discussion on how you can offer support in return… within healthy limits.

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Are there other non-financial ways to help?

While you may not want to commit to financial support, there are a range of other practical ways to support your family. It might be offering emotional encouragement, lending your skills, or simply being there to listen. 

Non-financial support can make a huge difference without impacting your wallet.

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Cultural expectations  

Cultural expectations, such as generational hierarchy and prioritising family obligations can definitely add some spice to these conversations. 

While there’s no shortcut around having an honest chat, tweaking your language can make things smoother. For example, using words like “we” instead of “I” can help show that you’re considering your family’s situation as well as your own. 

You may also consider having another trusted family member there (aka your emotional support human) to help mediate the conversation and bridge any generational gaps in understanding. 

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Understanding the risk 

If you do decide to provide financial support to family members, understand the risks of doing so. 

Mentally prepare yourself for what might happen if your family is unable to meet these expectations, and how this might impact you. This makes it especially important to chat about repayment expectations (or any other terms and conditions) right from the start.  

You might even want to take it a step further by setting up legal structures for family lending too. Lawyers can come up with private loan agreements which set out the official terms of your financial support. 

Talking about money is a skill and it takes practice and time to get better at it. Oftentimes your first money conversation can lead to many others. What starts out as a stressful topic can potentially help deepen your relationship, and help you understand yourself and your family better!